Are New Yorkers Mean?

10.24.2020
Are New Yorkers Mean?

Type “are New Yorkers” into Google and autocomplete will generate some top search phrases; they look something like this:

Out of the top ten questions people are asking, six are related to whether or not New Yorkers are mean.

Before I delve into what I think, I’d like to talk semantics a little bit (yawn, I know, but it’s important). New Yorkers are sometimes described as mean or rude–the opposite of nice. Although they both conjure negativity, these two adjectives are not the same. Someone who is mean is malicious and unkind on purpose while a rude person is unintentionally offensive or insulting. The big distinction, then, is intent.

Anyway, using the definitions above, I would say New Yorkers as a group are not mean. Most of us don’t start our day with the intention of hurting anyone. We may come across as rude because we don’t always greet cashiers with a smile and make small talk. We are fast–fast walkers, fast talkers, fast eaters. We have a flow of doing things and dislike having that flow disrupted. It’s not personal. We are just… fast.

Note to tourists: please do not stop mid-traffic on the sidewalk to gawk at a tall building. If you must, kindly vacate your prime real estate in the middle of the sidewalk and stand off to the side. Once there, you can stare and take all the pictures you want while the rest of us can get to wherever it is we need to go.

With that said, we are also incredibly kind-hearted and generous. We won’t proactively offer to help you locate that must-see attraction in your guidebook, but if you ask, we will probably stop and point you in the right direction. We might even sometimes walk you there since it’s on the way to where we are going anyway.

Having lived here for a decade and a half, I have witnessed and been on the receiving end of many generous acts, a few of which I’m going to talk about below. For some reason, they’re all subway-related.

Free Subway Ride

A few years ago a woman approached me as I was about to descend the stairs of a subway station. My New Yorker instinct was to avoid eye contact and veer out of her path. She kept moving towards me, though, and began waving her MetroCard in my face. It turned out that she still had a few hours left on her monthly card and just wanted to give someone a free ride. I happily accepted and marveled at the kindness I’d just been shown. (This was before a new  MetroCards cost a $1, though; I wonder if people still do this?)

As I was about to enter the station for my free ride (yay free!), I saw a guy out of the corner of my eye asking exiting passengers if any of them could swipe him in. I’m not gonna lie; I love a free ride as much as the next person so I had an internal debate with myself. But ultimately I walked over and gave him the MetroCard. He seemed like he needed it more than me.

The F/M Subway Choreography

The F and M trains are part of the Sixth Avenue Line and share many of the same stops in Manhattan. At most of these stops, riders can simply hop on the first arriving train. Not for those going uptown at the Essex/Delancey station, though. Because of some crazy and illogical changes, the F and M trains stop at different platforms at this station. The M is up a flight of stairs from the F platform, and standing on either platform means you cannot see the train arriving at the other.

Before the MTA installed countdown clocks to alert riders of arriving trains, New Yorkers had to rely on one another to get to the right platform. What occurred was a modern collaborative dance of sorts: riders lined up neatly along two sets of stairs that led from the F to the M. Those stationed on either platform were responsible for communicating whether or not their train was arriving. The news would travel up or down the staircase like a game of telephone.

I participated in this dance for a few years, and it never stopped being amusing and heartwarming. Sometimes the signal was verbal, a loud and terse shout of “train!”. Other times it was more subtle, a silent nod or a thumbs-up. I usually positioned myself in the middle of the stairs–my reasoning was that while I wasn’t close to either train, I was equidistant to both–and my preferred signal was a quick wave of the hand.

The countdown clocks have rendered this dance unnecessary, but I still occasionally stand on the staircase between the two platforms. Just in case my service is needed.

My Human Pillow

After a long day of work and an evening of dinner and drinks with friends, I fell asleep on the subway (the subway is like a cradle. I have my BEST sleep on it. I need to do a separate post on this), which I do on the regular, except this time I apparently fell into such a deep stupor that my head slid down to rest oh-so-comfortably on the shoulder of the passenger next to me.

Not only that, I apparently also had my mouth open and drooled all over his shirt. Instead of shaking me awake and running to the other side of the train in disgust, my kind seat buddy kept still and did not shirk from the unfortunate role as my human pillow. He only woke me up (very gently) before he was about to reach his stop. I was mortified to see a big, fat wet spot on his tee and apologized profusely. He refused my offer to pay him for a new t-shirt and simply said “I hope you feel better now” before stepping off the train with a warm smile.

Stories from Twitter

Apart from my own personal experience, I’ve also seen plenty of tweets from New Yorkers about the kindness that people show one another in this city.

And finally, one of my recent favs:

So there you have it, while the sample size might be small and there’s no scientific data to prove my thesis, plenty of anecdotal evidence suggests I’m right. New Yorkers aren’t mean. We are just used to a different set of rules and norms than some other people. While we don’t smile and say hi to strangers, we are also never fake. As this guy puts it so well: