Have you ever wanted to be good at something but always felt like it just wasn’t meant to be? For me, it’s photography. I actually foolishly thought I was a pretty good photographer for a long time since my dad is a great amateur photographer. I just assumed that it was something that he’d have somehow passed onto me.
I got a rude awakening when I arrived in New York for art school in the early 2000s. I didn’t major in photography, thank god, but I studied among some talented budding visual artists, and every single one of them was a better photographer than I was. When they were shit-faced drunk. And high. In fact, my inability to take a remotely decent photograph became sort of a running joke among my classmates. One of my close friends would get frustrated when I tried to take even the most casual photos of her on our travels.
“Why can’t you frame the shot this way so I don’t look like a dwarf?”
“Don’t you see the light is hitting the statue here so if you’d pointed the camera the other way you would’ve gotten a nice burst there?”
“OMG, you just cut off the clocktower!”
Those exasperated remarks dominated the remainder of my 20s to the point where I was cowed to even take pictures for random tourists on the streets of New York. The comments weren’t vicious or mean; they were honest. Sure, sometimes I got a little hurt, but mostly I was just embarrassed I couldn’t take a good picture for my life. I watched with envy as talented photographers showcased their work, first on flickr and then migrated over to Instagram.
The thing is, even back then, I was baffled by my own ineptitude with the camera. I considered myself a pretty good visual artist and designer, both of which required a certain discerning eye. So what gives? Neuroplasticity says that our brains have the ability to form new neural connections throughout life. That sounds to me like we are able to change ourselves and learn new things even as we age. So, a couple years ago, I set out to conquer my great fear of photography by going out and taking pictures. Lots and lots of them.
Luckily for me, I live in New York, and it has proven to be a great and willing subject for my various attempts at becoming a photographer. There are just so many wonderful, weird, confusing, and beautiful corners and alleys and people in this place. Though I’ve been here a LONG time, I still come across new people/places/things that surprise me all the time. Some are less pleasant than others, let’s be honest, but all are welcome and appreciated on my journey.
New York is such an enigma. Though countless songs and books and movies and poems have been created in its honor, it really isn’t a place that can be boxed in or stereotyped. Around 8.6 million people call this place home so there are probably 8.6 million different ways to see and experience it. While lights and glamor and $100-million ultra luxury condos abound, NYC for me isn’t special because of those things. Instead, I love the talks in unassuming basement bars put on by sex workers who share their deepest secrets and desires with total strangers. I love the little mom-and-pop coffee shop where the owner is also my neighbor and friend. I love the murals and graffiti that adorn the city’s many buildings and reveal, if you’re willing to pay attention, both our struggles and triumphs.
I know I’m still learning, but I really hope I’ve been able to capture little bits of my New York in some of these pictures. They will probably never be those sweeping, breathtaking shots of the Manhattan skyline. Instead, my lens will always be trained on the streets and neighborhoods and people that I have come to know and love to the core of my being.
REVER